Drafting a Blurb.

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As a relatively inexperienced writer, I value constructive feedback on any writing I create.
I've been able to participate in two Blurb day events in a writing group called 'Writer's soap box'
I belong to on Facebook. I've been able to take my first 'written off the top of my head' attempt down
to something which is now hopefully more concise.

First attempt:

Sarah's Great, Great Grandmother Ruth was a famous children's author of a series of fantasy books
set in the magical kingdom of Cantre’r Gwaelod in a world called Faerie.  The books told the
adventures of Ruth with a Faerie friend Aberfa and a boy called Arvid who was out to spoil their fun. 
Bored and fed up on holiday,  Sarah makes a shocking discovery:  her Great, Great Grandmother
Ruth's tale really happened.  Cantre’r Gwaelod, in the world of Faerie, is real. Aberfa is real.  Arvid
threatens the security of both Faerie and Earth by trying to locate the secretly imprisoned Hywel,
leader of the Rammligr, whose mission is to destroy humanity. 

 Can Sarah, with Aberfa, fulfil her destiny and stop Hywel's revival?  Will she be able to stop a
destructive War between their two worlds? Join her as she tries to stop a cataclysmic War that would
destroy both worlds.

Second draft after feedback: 

Sarah's Great, Great Grandmother Ruth was a famous children's author of a series of fantasy books
set in the magical kingdom of Cantre’r Gwaelod in a world called Faerie.  The books told the
adventures of Ruth with a Faerie friend Aberfa and a boy called Arvid who was out to spoil their fun. 
Bored and fed up on holiday,  Sarah makes a shocking discovery:  her Great, Great Grandmother
Ruth's tale really happened.  Cantre’r Gwaelod, in the world of Faerie, is real. Aberfa is real.  Arvid
threatens the security of both Faerie and Earth by trying to locate the secretly imprisoned Hywel,
leader of the Rammligr,whose mission is to destroy humanity. 

Can Sarah, with Aberfa, fulfil her destiny and stop Hywel's revival?  Will she be able to prevent a
destructive war between their two worlds? Join her as the fate of both Earth and Faerie hangs on a
knife edge.

Third draft after more Feedback:

Sarah's Great, Great Grandmother Ruth was a famous children's author of a series of fantasy books
set in the magical kingdom of Cantre’r Gwaelod in a world called Faerie. Bored and fed up on holiday,
Sarah makes a shocking discovery: her Great, Great Grandmother Ruth's tale really happened. 
Can Sarah, with Aberfa, Great, Great Grandmother Ruth’s magical friend, fulfil her destiny and stop
Hywel's revival?  Will she be able to prevent a destructive war between their two worlds? Join her as
the fate of both Earth and Faerie hangs on a knife edge.

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