The Birthday

A piece of writing I wrote a while back for fun in response to a prompt in a Writer's Facebook group I belong to:

Deepak Patel held the hand of his six-year-old daughter as they crossed the road. It was her birthday and her treat was a Mango Lassi at Saanvi’s Cafe. He didn’t see the car crawling slowly along behind him, he didn’t see the arm appear from the window nor the gun pointed at his head.

His daughter screamed as the gunman blasted the contents of the gun at her father. He winced as the impact struck his face. Surprised, he was still breathing, he stuck a finger to his face peeling some of the substance off. He stuck the finger in his mouth.

'Hmm, fresh Cream. Delicious.’

'Cut! barked a voice,' You’ve been captured on ‘McVie’s Owned: ‘YouTube’s most highly rated channel.’ Congratulations,' smiled the owner of the voice. Deepak Patel laughed partly in relief. His daughter, not fully comprehending, joined in.

Breaking the fourth wall, Deepak Patel addressed the audience,' Oh I do love a happy ending don't you?'

High upon the Mountains of the imagination, the Gods lived.  The Gods enjoyed many pursuits including observing the lives of mortals.  A small group, consisting primarily of gods of the fictional fates, observed the events leading up to the ‘splatting’ of Patel for a prank Youtube channel.  The gods of the fictional fates winced at Patel’s pronouncement.  Cassandra, the youngest of the fictional fates, pursed her lips: she wasn’t going to let the inevitable happen.

200,000 years earlier the ambassador of Canania situated in the Star system of Betelgeuse, Ambassador Wuffles of the Sentient Dog species, The Bark,  was on a diplomatic mission to meet and set up an alliance with Ambassador Toothless of the Sentient Reptilian species, The Clicks, from the Planet Quark 4.  Things started off well.  Unfortunately, a misunderstanding occurred between the Ambassadors: Wuffles had licked the cheek of Toothless believing this to be the courteous thing to do.  Toothless was delighted by the actions of Wuffles and decided to reciprocate by sniffing the Ambassador’s butt.  Unbeknown to Toothless, Ambassador Wuffles  belonged to a sub-cult in Barkian society called the Snarl.  The Snarl were a small, but powerful fundamentalist elite, that had taken over the political leadership of Canania.  Their overwhelming ideology was one of self discipline and the use of force to achieve one’s goals.  They despised the old ‘degenerate’ ways of their culture, particularly the practice of sniffing butts as a greeting.  Outraged, he walked out of the meeting.  A war of words on the interplanetary social media network ensued.  Truth flew out of the window.  Soon two mighty warship armadas met.  Annihilation became the order of the day.  The destruction resulted in other neighbouring civilisations fleeing from the quadrant to watch the battles safely on the interwebs.

Finally, on the outer ridges of the Terran solar system, a desperate dogfight, between two ragtag military space cruisers, resulted in a massive explosion as the two craft collided while trying to destroy each other.  Projectiles were scattered to all regions of space, many getting caught in the gravitational pull of the dwarf planet Pluto. One large projectile nicknamed 'Satanic Skullcrusher', by an observing group of Feeg Scientists, had an interesting journey over the next couple of Millenia. It had made its way to the gravitational pull of the Sun and had been slingshotted back to the further reaches of the solar system becoming a comet. Finally, its path weakened and ‘Satanic Skullcrusher’ plummeted to Earth, headed towards our protagonist's head.

Cassandra watched as the projectile performed its role.  In the last minute, just before contact, she clicked her fingers turning the projectile into a bunch of Goose feathers.  Stunned silence, from the Youtube crew, greeted a rather confused looking Patel who stared in bewilderment at the feathers that floated around him.  Oblivious to his narrow escape, he grabbed his daughter’s hand and walked on.

The Gods of the fictional fates breathed a collective sigh of relief as he took his daughter home to enjoy her birthday cake.